you can't make this shit up

Ok Ok!!! I acknowledge that I am paranoid, however...do you remember in the 1980's when some freak put cyanide into tylenol capsules and wiped out the better part of an entire family? well I have never forgotten, and really even before that we were raised to inspect fresh fruit in the store before buying it (for evidence of tampering) so I have a suspicious mind and a very cautious demeanor when it comes to food products which brings me to todays CRAZY blog.

Ray was over... he likes cake from box mix (which I didn't have) but I did have all the ingredients and a recipe book...so he was craving some cake...OK, no problem...me and Lea set to making it....then there's the problem of frosting....Lea's birthday was in March so I had a unused frosting in my cabinet...Lea grabs it without my looking at it...opens it and eats a gigantic glob of frosting....but here's the thing...the foil over the top of the frosting in not there....OMG...so now I'm totally freaking out...like what should I do?? If I bring her to the ER they are going to laugh there asses off, besides she wasn't in any distress...

so I yell at her for being such an asshole (expletive deleted while yelling) tell her to brush her teeth and go to bed as it was already 9:30 pm... now my beloved aunt who lives with me is on the phone with my other aunt and they are just hysterically laughing at me...right there in my kitchen which is pissing me off because I think it's a little insensitive... Believe me the humor is not lost on me, objectively I see that I am over reacting, however tampering is a possibility if very remote..and so is food poisoning...and I'm wondering if they would be laughing so hard if it was there kid or their grandchildren...so when I yell at my aunt and tell her this she gets viscious with me starts saying how she has to leave this house...blah blah blah...

My mother (her big sister) never wanted her here...Sibling rivalry runs deep...so I have suffered like a shit sandwich between them for the past 2 plus years...and she has to leave??? OK OK I will ignore it...she's very stressed over her oun daughter moving to Pennsylvania to try to have something closer to a "middle class" lifestyle...and my "frosting" issue is paling in comparison to her stress....

so now where the fuck is Ray during all of this??? I look on the deck...not there...look in the street his car is gone...he didn't say anything to me so now I'm worried about him...what the hell happened...I page him twice...but before he gets my pages he arrives back on my doorstep like a little puppydog carrying a pathmark bag with two containers of frosting...WTF!!!???!!!...did he think that was the problem??? I already made frosting from powdered sugar....I didn't care about that I was stressed that my daughter was going to get sick.... I told him to go home...I put him out and didn't even say goodbye...my aunt had long since stomped off into her room and Lea was sleeping peacefully..so I want to bed..you can't make this shit up

we will be eating the cake for breakfast...