funeral for a friend

I've been thinking about death lately, Not that that would be unusual for me. In my group dynamics class we did a project about death and we staged a funeral ( I got to be the dead person). It was surreal to "plan" my funeral. I made a photo montage of my life, prayer cards, and a program. We got coffee and cookies and tricked the professor into eulogising me, and we made a "coffin". The coffin was made out of corrugated cardboard painted brown and crudely taped together with wide shiny scotch tape. I lay inside the box clutching flowers and an icon as my stunned classmates filed past. I looked out at them feeling quite sure that this was one of the stranger things I've experienced.

Yesterday I learned that a former coworker had passed away rather suddenly at a young age leaving his wife and 2 teenage children, today I attended his wake. It was pretty much the same as mine, except there were more photos and flowers, the coffin was of much better quality and of course he was dead, I am sure however he was watching us from somewhere else with that same surreal feeling which I had in class. It was packed to the rafters with people but it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. There was nothing to say sitting in front of someone who was so young and in love with life but who was so dead. So we sat there together in silence.


Tonight I sat on my bed looking out of my window which framed the deepening blue sky. One bright star was shining as a few wispy grey clouds wafted by. Some people in the neighborhood were setting off fire works, nothing fancy just bottle rockets. The orange glowing tips trailed by erratic tails of sparkles ending with a whistle and a pop. The smell of spring blew in on the gentle cool evening breeze, to the sound of my daughter happily talking to her girlfriend on the phone, made my heart ache with the beauty of it all. It got me to thinking.

Thinking the future is certain is foolishness, thinking if life is not good then it's bad is foolishness. It is what it is, complex, sometimes violent, sometimes gentle, messy, funny beautiful. It is an incomprehensible gift, and tonight as I breathe this sweet air and kiss my daughter goodnight I offer a prayer of thanksgiving for this life just the way it is.